cafeselector
10-09-2007, 08:28 AM
I found this personal ad and I found it so funny I need to share it!
Obsessed Stickman seeks LTR with unreasonable bitch - 48
Tall? Yes. 6"4'.
Dark? Sort of, for a white guy.
Handsome? If you like Jack Nicholson or Nick Nolte, I am. If you are the typical American women trapped in a TV fantasy of the "perfect" guy, then...oh, wait....isn't Oprah on? Run! You're missing Dr, Phil. Hurry honey! Tune in and find out why you're all alone on Friday night 'cause isn't Mr. Brad Pitt busy this weekend?
Yeah, baby...I'm bitter, sarcastic and full of ill-will. Does that make me a bad guy? I love puppies...and long walks on the beach. I give money to the poor. I like to cook. I'm a clothes whore and I love to shop - but hey, I'm not gay, ok?
Listen. If you've been through half the shit I have (most of which I brought on myself), then you'd wise up and get real.
Are you selfish? Unreasonable? Self-centered? Good! Congrats, welcome to the human race. I want to meet you.
Do you hate that new girl at work with the big tits and the diamond engagement ring the size of a Buick? Yeah? Well me too and I want to meet you.
Are you angry and tired of dealing with mental midgets, incompetant morons and liars, cheaters, and thieves? Well me too and I want to hear every fucking word of your vemonous rant over coffee.
Do you know, in your heart, that we're all doomed thanks to idiots like Bush, Clinton and all the rest of the swine that sell us down the river? Yeah, I'm political, too. Which by definition means I'm really pissed off.
Why? Because CL is full of bullshit ads from men and women who talk about how great they are. No mention of the dark side.
And if you don't have a dark side, you're either dead from the neck up or as boring as a box of rocks.
I'm not a "normal" guy. I'm not "nice".
This doesn't mean I'm a jerk, it means I struggle with all of life's inconsistancies, including my own. And I'm honest about it. Most times, I feel ok. Other times I weep. That's right. I cry when I get so fucking sad I can't stand it. It's good for ya...it's called being in touch with your feelings, even when they suck.
Do I want a good healthy relationship with a beautiful girl? Of course I do. I'd also like to walk on the moon and bring peace to starving children ( I mean it).
In the meantime, you and I have to live in the real world.
If you are an real women, then we should meet. What's real?
You've been hurt by life. Badly at times, but you've moved on.
You're able to take care of yourself emotionally. I'm only in the SEARCH biz, dating-wise. I don't do SEARCH & RESCUE. If you want someone to save you, try Jesus 'cause he's really good at that.
You've got some resentments that, no matter how hard you try, still stick in your crawl - you don't let them ruin your life, but they still bug the shit out of you sometimes. Good girl, keep trying and don;t let the bastards ruin your life.
You're not perfect looking, but you're aging gracefully and feel fantastic (sometimes) on the inside.
You respect yourself enough to make an effort to be somewhat healthy.
You brush, floss and are clean.
Oh and by the way, if your breasts came from somewhere other than your own DNA, you just lost me. Yeah, plastic tits. Now that's sooooo sexy. Ouch! You just put my eye out with that science project...
What else? Hell, I don't know. If you have questions send me an email.
I don't need your picture. Who the hell looks good in a picture? If there's chemistry, there's chemistry. End of story.
Oh and if you want to email me about what a jerk I am, please feel free, because your opinion doesn't mean a thing to me. If you need to vent, please do so - it's my public service to all the rest of the loosers on CL.
Cio Bambina!
Obsessed Stickman seeks LTR with unreasonable bitch - 48
Tall? Yes. 6"4'.
Dark? Sort of, for a white guy.
Handsome? If you like Jack Nicholson or Nick Nolte, I am. If you are the typical American women trapped in a TV fantasy of the "perfect" guy, then...oh, wait....isn't Oprah on? Run! You're missing Dr, Phil. Hurry honey! Tune in and find out why you're all alone on Friday night 'cause isn't Mr. Brad Pitt busy this weekend?
Yeah, baby...I'm bitter, sarcastic and full of ill-will. Does that make me a bad guy? I love puppies...and long walks on the beach. I give money to the poor. I like to cook. I'm a clothes whore and I love to shop - but hey, I'm not gay, ok?
Listen. If you've been through half the shit I have (most of which I brought on myself), then you'd wise up and get real.
Are you selfish? Unreasonable? Self-centered? Good! Congrats, welcome to the human race. I want to meet you.
Do you hate that new girl at work with the big tits and the diamond engagement ring the size of a Buick? Yeah? Well me too and I want to meet you.
Are you angry and tired of dealing with mental midgets, incompetant morons and liars, cheaters, and thieves? Well me too and I want to hear every fucking word of your vemonous rant over coffee.
Do you know, in your heart, that we're all doomed thanks to idiots like Bush, Clinton and all the rest of the swine that sell us down the river? Yeah, I'm political, too. Which by definition means I'm really pissed off.
Why? Because CL is full of bullshit ads from men and women who talk about how great they are. No mention of the dark side.
And if you don't have a dark side, you're either dead from the neck up or as boring as a box of rocks.
I'm not a "normal" guy. I'm not "nice".
This doesn't mean I'm a jerk, it means I struggle with all of life's inconsistancies, including my own. And I'm honest about it. Most times, I feel ok. Other times I weep. That's right. I cry when I get so fucking sad I can't stand it. It's good for ya...it's called being in touch with your feelings, even when they suck.
Do I want a good healthy relationship with a beautiful girl? Of course I do. I'd also like to walk on the moon and bring peace to starving children ( I mean it).
In the meantime, you and I have to live in the real world.
If you are an real women, then we should meet. What's real?
You've been hurt by life. Badly at times, but you've moved on.
You're able to take care of yourself emotionally. I'm only in the SEARCH biz, dating-wise. I don't do SEARCH & RESCUE. If you want someone to save you, try Jesus 'cause he's really good at that.
You've got some resentments that, no matter how hard you try, still stick in your crawl - you don't let them ruin your life, but they still bug the shit out of you sometimes. Good girl, keep trying and don;t let the bastards ruin your life.
You're not perfect looking, but you're aging gracefully and feel fantastic (sometimes) on the inside.
You respect yourself enough to make an effort to be somewhat healthy.
You brush, floss and are clean.
Oh and by the way, if your breasts came from somewhere other than your own DNA, you just lost me. Yeah, plastic tits. Now that's sooooo sexy. Ouch! You just put my eye out with that science project...
What else? Hell, I don't know. If you have questions send me an email.
I don't need your picture. Who the hell looks good in a picture? If there's chemistry, there's chemistry. End of story.
Oh and if you want to email me about what a jerk I am, please feel free, because your opinion doesn't mean a thing to me. If you need to vent, please do so - it's my public service to all the rest of the loosers on CL.
Cio Bambina!